Those “Other” Moms

IMG_3466[1]I’m going to start off this post by admitting I’m not perfect (shh, don’t tell my husband).  As a mom, I have my good days and then there’s those baaaad days.  Now keep in mind I’m just coming off a full week of being a single mom while my husband has been hunting.  So this past week those bad days may have outweighed the good.  This week and this week only.  Until next week.  Hey, I give it up to single parents!  I was one once and it’s hard.  And a third of the time I’m still one when my husband is on duty.  Mad props to single parents!

So have you ever been at the grocery store and you see a mom yelling at her kids?  Or maybe see her bending over and grabbing her child’s arm firmly with the look of a possessed demon in her eyes?  Did you judge that mom’s behavior toward her children and felt bad for the child, and then smugly prided yourself in your parenting skills?  Have you ever thought you would not act like those “other” moms?  I assume you answered ‘yes’ to all of the above.  I’m guilty.  So now here’s another question for you.  Have you ever been one of those moms?

Maybe you answered ‘no’ to that last question.  But are you really being honest with yourself?  I promise you don’t have to tell anyone.  Remember when I said I wasn’t perfect (we’re still not telling my husband by the way)?  Well I answered ‘yes’.  I think all us parents would have to admit that our social parenting skills can differ quite drastically to our at-home parenting skills.  I think maybe the difference is, most of us have mastered in which situations we should use each.  I wouldn’t dream of screaming at my kids in the middle of aisle 4 when they’re on the ground rolling around in a full-on wrestling match.  But if we were at home, you bet your bottom I’d be screaming my head off!  Usually the screaming is reserved for 7:00 at night after the 18th WWF match that day.

But I’ve been in the store before where maybe I was having a bad day, or the kids were particularly ornery that day, and their listening skills were a little lacking on this trip, and I’ve bent over, grabbed their arms firmly, and the demon literally entered my body and possessed me, and I yelled at my kids.  I say I was possessed because that couldn’t possibly have been me that just did that to my kids.  In public.  In earshot of others.  And then all of a sudden I realize what I must look like to others around me.  I was one of those “other” moms.  I completely forgot the rules of “social” parenting.  I’m a horrible mom and now others know it too.

But why did I feel worse about my behavior because it was in public?  I wouldn’t hesitate at home to discipline my children that way.  I mean, I’ve never spanked or hit my kids, but I don’t hesitate to yell at them or grab their arm firmly and set them straight.  I have four boys for crying out loud!  I’m not perfect (okay fine, tell my husband!).  I guess what I’m saying, is none of us are perfect.  94.58% of the time I think I’m doing a pretty good job as a mom.  The other 5.42% is what we call mother’s guilt.  We’re always hard on ourselves even when we’re doing the best we can and our intentions and actions come from the heart.  Those “other” moms are probably just like you and me and are just having a bad day.  Don’t worry, we don’t need to judge them.  They will have enough judgment and guilt for all of us.  So let’s give ourselves a break and the next time we’re having a baaaad day, remind ourselves we can always start over tomorrow.  Let go of the guilt and forgive ourselves.  And then pour a glass of wine.  Maybe two.

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7 thoughts on “Those “Other” Moms

  1. I see this often – especially in the grocery store- and as a mother we’ve all been there. Typically if I see something happen and the mom catches me looking I just smile and say something to get her to smile. Sometimes it’s a simple chuckle and saying something like “glad it’s your turn today and not mine” or “don’t feel bad, that was me last week!” It seems to calm their nerves for a split second and take a deep breath 🙂 There was one time a week or so ago, this little boy was laying down in the aisle screaming his head off while the mom stood there looking down at him, mortified. I just laughed when I was walking up and she looked at me, cracked up, and said “guessing you’re a mom too?” I said “yep – only a mom would laugh at another mom in this situation” 🙂 He was PISSED he couldn’t open the juice boxes. hahahaha

    • Oh I feel you, Staci! Good to hear of other supportive moms out there. It’s too easy to silently judge. A knowing look or light comment is sometimes all we need to make us feel better. If more of us moms would build each other up, it would make the world that much better of a place. Being a mom is just plain hard sometimes. Thanks for commenting!

  2. I’ve found myself pleasantly surprised lately in these public “I’m going to loose it” moments. I’ve found far less judging and more sympathetic “I’ve been there” looks from other people/ moms. It has been positively reassuring to know that my child and myself will never be perfect but that others around us simply understand and sympathize rather than judging:)

    • I agree, Julie! It’s so great to see moms raising each other up instead of putting each other down. We all have our struggles, none of us are perfect, and we all have bad days. We have one thing in common — doing the best we can. And thankfully there’s wine!

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