I can’t do it myself!

If I had a nickel, heck even a penny, every time my kids told me they can’t do something themselves, I’d — yes I’m saying it — I’d be rich.  I know, horrible saying.  But it’s popular for a reason.  I’d totally be rich.  My kids are in serious need of some boot camp.  Or more accurately, us parents are in need of a boot camp. After having one kid after another for several years, we just got into this routine of doing things for our kids for several reasons:

1) Because they were all little and needed our help.

2) It’s quicker, and let’s be honest, we’re better at it.

3) We’re trained!  We, as parents, are trained by our kids to do things for them with a simple, and somehow convincing statement, “I can’t do it myself!”

It’s amazing the things my husband and I will do with just a whine or slight resistance from our children whom we somehow envision as still being 2, when in fact, are all now in school.  We got stuck in this pattern of doing things for them, and in some ways, enjoyed doing these things for our children because it made us feel useful and that it’s our job as parents to wipe our kids’ asses until they are 5.  Yes, I said 5.  Our youngest has been potty trained since he was 3 (age 3 is the youngest of any our children to be potty trained, so this is obviously not an area of strength for us), so he’s had plenty of time to practice wiping himself.  But for 5 years we’ve been doing it for him.  I mean, why should he do it when he’s got these suckers around him to do it for him?

If you think your children are helpless, or like us, think they’re just too young to do something for themselves, go watch them at daycare or in their schools, and you’ll see just how not helpless they are.  It’s a clear case of enabling.  The tail wagging the dog!  It starts young and is a very powerful (and sneaky) phenomenon used by kids.  It’s not like they’re intentionally doing this, it’s just that us parents make it so easy for them.

Parenting is hard.  All kids are different and all parents are different.  We each have different personalities and each of us parent differently.  Why we do the things we do is a puzzle so big, with so many pieces, it’s nearly impossible to connect them all.  But I know that kids are usually not hard to figure out.  Sometimes it just takes us parents to take a step back and look at what we’re doing and why.  And we need to ask ourselves, do we want to raise the type of children who expect someone to wipe their asses for them?  I don’t.

Update:  Layton is now wiping his own ass.

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Flashback Friday – Taylor Tribune – 10/04/08

Front Page Forum

Some of you may have noticed the increase in cost for this edition.  I am not going to blame it on the economy, the mortgage industry or the Bush Administration.  I actually had a few people who wrote in letting me know there were some uncharacteristic mechanical and context errors in the last circulation.  So in order to avoid this embarrassing realization I will have to put some extra time and effort in during the editing process to ensure we continue to put out the highest quality of newsletter our loyal readers so deserve.  We do appreciate your continued loyalty and will definitely put your extra money to good use.  I can’t be expected to work for free as I’m sure you all understand.  Now on to the weather… it’s cool, it’s windy, and it’s spooky outside… ah yes, it’s fall!  Anyone who knows me knows this is my favorite time of year!!

Levi’s Legacy

Levi is days away from turning 4.  We cannot believe he is about to be 4 years old.  I think we all say it every year with each child because it just doesn’t seem possible that our kids can be as old as they ever are – ever!  We are having a fire truck themed party this year.  You would think with 4 boys and Keith being a firefighter we would already have had a fire truck themed party but this is actually the first one.  Levi is really into fire trucks and LOVES going to the station and sitting in the bucket truck.  It is definitely his favorite.  I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact Keith drives it and tells Levi it is his favorite too.  Although he is almost 4 we haven’t quite mastered potty training.  And the minute you judge me just remember someone else is judging you for something.  He goes pee just fine and makes it to the bathroom when he has to go.  He also is fully aware that he needs to poop in the potty.  The concept is by no means lost on him.  He just simply chooses not to.  When he has to go he will tell us he has to go poop and he will take off his pants and put his Pull Ups on and go into the bathroom and poop.  He will then come out and tell us he pooped.  And just in the more recent weeks he will proceed to tell us what size his poops are.   As with any boy he is most fascinated with his poop.  He always wants to see it.  We tell him he cannot see it because he needs to poop in the potty in order to see it.  We even bought him a Batmobile and Batcycle AND a Diego Rescue Pack and showed them to him and told him if he wanted them he must go in the potty.  He was so excited and ran and sat on the potty and actually tried to poop.  The problem was he didn’t really have to go.  He asked us if we could help him “squish it out” for him.  I felt so bad for him.  Over the next several days he would sit on the potty and try to poop because he really wanted those toys.  We never had any luck.  Ahh!!  I don’t know anyone who went off to college who wasn’t potty trained so I know it will come in time.

Lukey Tales

It seems our little Lukey finally busted his teeth through.  He is doing so much better and not whining as much which means he is not in as much pain.  He had the worst time getting those teeth in.  The poor kid.  He also has broken through the “verbal threshold” as I call it – or maybe someone else called it that and I stole.  Whatever it may be, he’s talking!  Now it’s not like he is spewing out sentences but he will repeat about every word when prompted and he will communicate what he wants now with attempting to say the words instead of standing there crying (which is what his main mode of communication has been for almost two years).  It must be frustrating to understand what’s going on and know in your mind what you want to convey but not be able to form the words to say it!  I’d be a whiney little sh*t too.  We’re also pretty sure that Lukey thinks he’s still the baby.  He’s very high maintenance and refuses to have much independence.  He’d just as soon remain little forever and let us wait on him and carry him around most of the day.  He likes to be swaddled, cuddled and talked to like a baby.  I think if I let him nurse he would.  But we don’t mind.  We did sort of screw him out of being the baby for very long.  He was only 7 months old when little Layton was conceived (about the same age Layton is now).  Dad has taught him some bad habits lately.  It seems he’s been giving Lukey Dum Dums to make him happy (a little sucker for those who don’t know what that is).  Keith calls them “pop ups”.  So I was holding Lukey the other day and I walked past the cupboard where the Dum Dums are and Lukey says, “hmm pop up” in his cute little voice.  He kept saying it and then I realized he was asking for a sucker.  Remind me to lecture Keith some more later.

Layton’s Lullaby

Okay, when it comes to perfect little babies Layton wins this category.  He must have known he had no choice than to be a sweet little being with little resistance to his surroundings.  He just goes with the flow and looks around waiting for someone to make eye contact with him and then when he catches someone he gives the widest, toothless grin and kicks his feet with the most absolutely adorable delight he can muster.  Okay that sentence didn’t make sense but bear with me.  I’m a proud mom talking about her precious baby.  Anyway, as I was saying, he’s just so deliciously sweet it’s ridiculous.  Anything that comes his way he’s fine with.  He doesn’t whine or fuss or really object to much.  We introduced him to solids a couple of weeks ago and he thought that was a long time coming.  He thoroughly enjoys eating pretty much everything – although we’ve struggled a bit with spinach.  I’ll break him down.  Layton just went in for his 6 month appointment and the doc said he lost a percentile in weight so he suggested that we give him formula during the day and only nurse when he wakes up and goes to bed.  He’s concerned I’m not making enough milk – which really makes me feel bad that I’ve caused him to not gain enough weight due to lack of milk production.  It also makes me sad because I really enjoy nursing.  I know that all good things must come to an end and it’s better for him so that he gains weight.  After all, I have nursed four hungry boys so I guess I need to come to grips with that chapter coming to an end soon.  Do you think my boys will always need me?  I think so too.

Life of Logan

Logan is doing fabulous.  He started 7^th grade and he loves his teachers and is excelling in his classes.  We couldn’t be happier.  I contacted his teachers the first week via email to let them know Logan struggles with staying focused and socializing in class so we could get an action-plan in place before he gets too behind. They all responded with the same theme stating Logan was doing well and they have not had any issues with him keeping focused but would keep in contact with me if there were any issues.   We also implemented a travel card so that they could fill it out in each class with how he did and what assignments, if any, needed to be completed at home that day.  I have to say that I love this card!  And I love his teachers.  It’s amazing how much of a difference it can make when a child likes his teachers.  Last year Logan’s main teacher was about as organized as Levi on caffeine.  This just made Logan’s issues exacerbated to the nth degree.  Logan feels good about his classes and his homework and told me the other day he makes his homework into a game so that it is fun.  I have to give my dad a shout out on this one because my dad is always telling him “positive affirmations”.  It drives Logan crazy because he would tell him that every time he saw him for a while but I think Logan is actually getting the concept.  We are very proud of Logan and tell him every single day he comes home from school.  Okay, let’s get to the dramatic part of Logan’s life.  Logan has a crush on this girl (going on two years now).  Her name is Elyse.  He finally asked her out on the bus last week.  He came home and told me proudly.  He says they hug all the time on the bus (no comment) but she won’t answer him.  Well finally on Friday she told him no.  She said that she “still loved him but no.”  I asked him how he felt about that and he said he didn’t care because they still hugged the whole way home.  I told him to act like he didn’t like her and she would instantly want him.  He promptly (and so wonderfully) told me that would be very hard to do because he does really like her.  Oh what would it be like to be so innocent again?

Keith’s Korner

Keith has been one very busy boy.  I am so proud of him because he is officially done with school and will obtain his Fire Science Degree in the mail any day now.  He completed his courses last month which now makes him officially qualified to be a Captain (a job he’s been doing for the last several years).  He joked when he received his last and final grade that there was this amazing transformation that occurred and he instantly knew how to do his job.  Okay, joking aside, we are very excited and relieved after all these years he’s finally done.  So what has he been doing since he graduated?  Studying of course!  He now must study to take the Captain promotional test which he will participate in next Friday.  He had to read a 500 + page IFSTA book all about being a company officer.  He also has to go through a video personality test, a written personality test, a written IFSTA exam (going over the material he’s been reading) and a tactical evaluation.  They pretty much put them through the ringer.  He feels fairly confident because he’s been studying very hard and has been doing this job for so long.   He tends to do well on tests anyway – which I have to admit turns me on a bit.  So after he tests next week they will make a list based on how well each person did and that is the list they use to promote the next year when a Captain’s position opens up.  Since they are growing so much we are hoping one opens up in the beginning of the year.  Stay tuned!  So other than that, Keith has maintained his normal insane schedule at work, home, and his extremely demanding Fantasy Football messenger board (aka “smack talk board”).  It’s like a bunch of middle-schoolers all talking smack to each other about how well their players for the week will do against their opponent’s players.  If you don’t’ know what Fantasy Football is, just Google it.  Let’s just put it this way – you would think Keith was actually in the NFL by how emotionally invested he is with Fantasy Football.

Mollye’s Mentionables

So as for me.  I wish I could report something new and exciting but unfortunately I can’t.  I guess I could report about how hectic my life is and how crazy it gets, but I love every minute of it so I don’t like to focus on the chaos.  Each day is a struggle and completely fulfilling all the same.  Our house is never picked up or clean but we don’t care.  I don’t get everything I want to get done each day but I’m fine with it.  I would like to run 5 times a week but I’ve settled for walking 4 times a week instead.  Basically I’ve learned with four children (and 3 of them being so young) that life is about balance.  I don’t resist what is and I just go with it.  Yes I have my bad days and yes I get stressed out.  But there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think how lucky I am to have four perfect little boys.  And there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t appreciate how wonderful of a husband I have.  Our life is great and I try to stay in the now and just be.  I don’t want to wake up in 20 years and look back and wonder if I truly appreciated each day.  I can definitely say that I do.  I’m also very happy right now that Halloween is approaching.  The house has been decorated for a couple of weeks now.  I’ve purchased my share of new decorations like I do each year.  The kids’ costumes have been ordered and received since last week.  I guess you can say that I LOVE Halloween.  I already know what treats I’m making for the kids’ Halloween party at daycare.  I can’t explain what it is about this time of year besides there’s something about the crisp and spooky air, the colorful leaves (which most certainly look like Fruity Pebbles) and thoughts of going to the pumpkin farm.  Heating apple cider and carving pumpkins is slightly arousing, to the delight of my husband.  I just love it!  You can pretty much find me in a good mood from now until the beginning of the year.  Happy Fall everyone!!